A Complicated Kindness

A Complicated Kindness

Book • 2019

by Miriam Toews

This “darkly funny and provocative” coming-of-age novel balances grief and hope in the voice of a witty teenage girl whose Canadian family is shattered by fundamentalist Christianity (O, The Oprah Magazine).

From the author of Women Talking—now an Academy Award-winning film starring Claire Foy, Rooney Mara, Frances McDormand, and Jessie Buckley

“Half of our family, the better–looking half, is missing,” Nomi Nickel tells us at the beginning of A Complicated Kindness. Left alone with her sad, peculiar father, her days are spent piecing together why her mother and sister have disappeared and contemplating her inevitable career at Happy Family Farms, a chicken slaughterhouse on the outskirts of East Village. Not the East Village in New York City where Nomi would prefer to live, but an oppressive town founded by Mennonites on the cold, flat plains of Manitoba, Canada.

This darkly funny novel is the world according to the unforgettable Nomi, a bewildered and wry sixteen–year–old trapped in a town governed by fundamentalist religion and in the shattered remains of a family it destroyed. In Nomi's droll, refreshing voice, we're told the story of an eccentric, loving family that falls apart as each member lands on a collision course with the only community any of them have ever known. A work of fierce humor and tragedy by a writer who has taken the American market by storm, this searing, tender, comic testament to family love will break your heart.
Fiction / Amish & Mennonite
Fiction / Coming of Age
Fiction / Family Life / General
264 pages

Bara says...

Ages 16+, but every child is different

The themes of religious trauma, family disintegration, and psychological grief require a level of emotional maturity typically found in older adolescents. The narrative's focus on existential disillusionment is geared toward a high-school or young-adult audience capable of navigating complex sociological subject matter.

Content Safety Breakdown

Detailed breakdown of potentially concerning content

Sex & Nudity

2/5

The story features teenage romantic experimentation and suggestive dialogue consistent with a cynical coming-of-age narrative. Relationships are explored through a lens of rebellion against conservative religious norms.

Violence & Gore

2/5

The setting includes a chicken slaughterhouse, leading to descriptions of animal processing that may be unpleasant for sensitive viewers. There is also emotional fallout from family abandonment that creates a sense of internal conflict.

Profanity

4/5

Profanity is frequent and used to reflect the protagonist's rebellious and cynical worldview, including words like f*ck (frequent), sh*t (regular), and a*s (occasional). It is used both in casual frustration and to express feelings of entrapment.

Alcohol, Drugs & Smoking

3/5

Substance use is a recurring theme as the teenage characters experiment with alcohol and drugs as a form of escape from their rigid community. These activities are portrayed as a way to cope with grief and familial instability.

Frightening Scenes

3/5

The content deals with heavy psychological themes of isolation, depression, and the traumatic breakdown of a family unit. The depiction of a restrictive fundamentalist environment creates an atmosphere of significant emotional tension.

Key Insights

Quick summary and important considerations

This story is about a girl finding her own path and voice while living in a community that expects her to follow strict rules, reminding us that it is okay to ask difficult questions about the world around you.

Content Warnings

Religious trauma
Emotional abandonment

Detailed Analysis

In-depth insights for parents and educators

What Parents Need to Know

The themes include existential angst, mourning, and the tension between individual desires and religious community expectations. It is a character-driven work that prioritizes internal reflection over action.

What Kids Can Learn

Independence, the value of objective questioning, and the ability to find humor as a coping mechanism in the face of profound personal loss.

Key Topics Discussed

Religious extremism
Grief and loss
Adolescent identity

Why Parents Might Like It

It offers a sophisticated, literate exploration of the conflict between heritage and individual freedom, providing a poignant examination of the challenges of growing up.

Positives & Learning

What makes this content valuable for children

Positive Messages

3/5

The story emphasizes the importance of individual identity and critical thinking when faced with restrictive communal environments. It underscores the endurance of familial love even amidst significant emotional collapse.

Positive Role Models

3/5

Nomi Nickel displays resilience, sharp intellect, and self-awareness. While her situation involves rebellion, her journey toward self-actualization provides a grounding example of maintaining personal integrity under pressure.

Diverse Representations

2/5

The narrative offers a specific look at the cultural nuances and insular nature of Mennonite communities. It provides agency to a teenage girl standing against an oppressive structure, though broader diversity beyond this cultural group is not indicated.

Educational Value

3/5

Provides insight into the sociological impacts of fundamentalist subcultures and the psychological effects of living in highly restrictive environments. Encourages reflection on the balance between tradition and personal autonomy.

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